I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
well most of my day revolves around power hour
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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