you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
