i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
COCAINE IS GR8
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
