from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
