he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize