no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
