The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
