she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
