too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
