420 ftw
Life is so much better after having sex.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
