before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
being pregnant is like rehab
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
