I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Mom said you looked used
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
