Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
That accounts for only three of the penises
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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