She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Less talking, more tequila
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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