She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We need to get me chipped asap
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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