just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Randomize