Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize