Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
