tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
