I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
