I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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