Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
