ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
