don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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