whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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