Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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