My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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