Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
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