Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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