I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize