the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
