i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
