can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
