piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
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