please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
