My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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