Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
