I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Let's paint friendship bongs
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
