pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize