Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I just want to make out with him forever
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
