Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Randomize
