im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think my moral compass just broke
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
