Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Dicks are not precious.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
