My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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