the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
