You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
