It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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