so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
tequila makes me forget i have legs
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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