so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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