you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize