feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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