I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
