we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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