The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize