I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
