Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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