Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
