I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
