does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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