I feel great
I just peed on a car
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
