Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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