she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Boobs speak an international language.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The feeling are messing with the penis
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
