shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Randomize
