Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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