SEEEEXXX PLEASE
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
