We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
