This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
