Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I have fence marks all over my body
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize