u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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