He is such a slut. More and more my type.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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