I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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