Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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