Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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