well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
