Your mouth is God's brothel.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
