I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
