haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
