I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize