I'm laying in your front yard are you home
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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