So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
