The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
