my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
