I need help removing her.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize