ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
