I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
