Nicole vs. Life
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
