and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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