You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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