I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I think a kid would responsible me up
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
