Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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