but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
