Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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