drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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