Me too!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
