Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
