Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
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Do I have a choice?
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At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
The adults are the big ones right?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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