Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
