My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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