You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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