We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize