i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
