I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
