Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
